Have you ever attended a little league game or practice, where the parent(s) of a child on one of the teams, are unruly, rude and just downright disrespectful? I am willing to bet that you have, and there is no doubt that it is an embarrassing spectacle to witness. Even for fellow spectators and players alike, everyone wants to be anywhere but THERE, when Mr. and Mrs. John and Jane Doe put on their display of immaturity and classlessness for captive eyes and ears to witness.
Perhaps YOU have been one of these parents who has gained the ire and hateful glances from others around you. Was/Is it something that you were/are particularly proud of doing or not? Has it been ongoing issue for you? Well regardless of the scenario, it is simply a situation that no one should want to be a party to, and I will attempt to discuss that at length, in this post. Enjoy!
What are some negative actions that parents put on display?
When you ponder upon this question, so many things probably race through your mind. Any random bad behaviors that has ever crossed your mind, can more than likely, be pinned on (like a dull, rusty tack on an ornery jackass!) an out-of-control parent of a youth athlete. However, here is a short list that immediately comes to mind for me:
- Arguing with the officials on the field, over a perceived “bad call/penalty”
- Yelling out profanities constantly, during the game
- Threatening physical violence on fellow parents (in particular, parents on the opposing team)
- Being verbally condescending and not offering positive support to their own child, during game play
- Showing up to a game or practice being under the influence of drugs or alcohol
- Giving the coach a hard time in respect to their child’s playing time
Undoubtedly, there are many more that can be listed here; and that is what is so alarming about this issue. Some would say that this issue is of epidemic proportions. These things bring about a high sense of anxiety and angst onto those sensible and civil individuals, who simply would like to enjoy a sporting event that their children are playing in.
Who is most negatively affected by this?
THE most obvious and correct answer to this, is the young athlete of the unruly parents. When we see parents behaving badly at youth sports events, a fair assumption can be made, that their children are the ones who will emotionally and mentally pay the price. After all, how could a parent not realize and understand that their actions towards and around their child, can have a major effect on their game play, attitude and their overall disposition? Many of us would bristle with indignation at a parent who would put their child in such a precarious position. One must ask…” What is the expected outcome that the parent seeks?” and “What is the motive for such horrid behavior?”. Any expected outcome or motive is indeed selfish, self-centered and just plain rude.
How can coaches deal with difficult parents?
As a coach, you can play a pivotal role in having the ability to diffuse any tension or drama that a parent attempts to create for their child. As a default authority figure to the children whom you coach, I believe that you can set the tone of expectation on Day 1.
On your team’s first day of practice, set up a quick 10-minute parent meeting at the field/court/rink. If possible, see to it that the team is preoccupied with drills, warm-ups, etc. while you speak with parents candidly. During this meeting, you can inform parents of your coaching experience, if you have any (if you do not have any experience, that is perfectly fine. Just be sure to let parents know, in no uncertain terms, that you are excited and enthusiastic to begin working with the team to put them in a position to be competitive, regardless of your lack of coaching experience.). This can also be a great time to inform parents of your particular coaching style, and what your expectations are going to be, for the team.
You will want to share with parents, your team rules and some of the more important league policies. Doing so, can give and ears added back-up from the league, to hopefully discourage any bad behavior from parents. As a coach, you are an extension of the league, and with that, comes authority and responsibility. It is of paramount importance, to be clear and straightforward when setting expectations with parents. Let them know that you are available to chat about any concerns that may arise during the season, but make no guarantees that you will be able to incorporate ALL parent feedback. Simply assure parents that you WILL listen to their feedback when/if offered, and adjust your approach accordingly, as long as it can potentially benefit the child AND the team.
As a coach, you should be able to feel free to ask parents to hold each other’s behavior accountable, throughout the season. The vast amount of parents will have no qualms about this and they will appreciate your honesty, in respect to this issue. Creating these kinds of checks and balances with the other parents, adds yet another potential deterrent to rowdy and disrespectful behavior.
Parent Expectations In Youth Sports
Many parents want to live vicariously, through their children, in particular, when it comes to sports. I, myself, have been guilty of that in the past. Though it was nothing that I took to the extreme, I was keenly aware that it could be an easy trap to fall into and could pose a problem. That awareness, saved me a lot of headaches. In wanting to impose their own competing psyche on their children, parents may feel that they will be able to redeem broken athletic dreams through their children. When the situation gets out of hand, and the vicariousness does not materialize to the satisfaction of the parent, the negative actions that I mentioned earlier, can make itself firmly known.
To keep this from EVER happening, parents simply need to sear this one statement into their consciousness…” It’s not about me.”. It’s that simple. If this can remain at the forefront of a parent’s mind, then civility and sanity will win the day each and every time.
Conclusion
In the complex world of youth sports, there are many components at play, to assist children with their mental development, team building, leadership skills and situational awareness, among other things. These components are: teammates, coaches, parents/family/friends and even the officials of that given sport. If parents refuse to play their part, then their child and the team as whole, will suffer greatly, so it cannot ever be understated that, “It’s not about me.”. If parents stay true to that, then their child will flourish mightily as an athlete and will reap the rewards therein!
Please feel free to leave a comment below, about this discussion! If not, you can simply say “Hi!”. I like it when people say “Hi!”. And as always…thanks for reading!